by Dan M.
In a list of those who shaped the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, there is one important figure seldom given the credit she deserves: Bill’s wife, Lois Wilson.
Lois was born March 4, 1891, in Brooklyn Heights, NY, where her father was a physician and her grandfather was a Swedenborgian pastor. The family spent their summers in Vermont. It was there that she met Bill, a friend of her brother. She was 23, and he was 19. She was not impressed. However, over the course of the next two summers, they had many conversations and fell in love. They were secretly engaged in 1915, and married in January of 1918, before Bill shipped off to the war in Europe.
Lois was always a caretaker. While Bill was away, she helped shell-shocked patients at Walter Reed Hospital, having been rejected by the YWCA for having grown up a Swedenborgian.
When Bill returned from the war he began working in an insurance firm while taking law classes at night, and eventually went to work on Wall Street. By now, he was drinking heavily, and his successes were countered by disappearances and embarrassing episodes. He was always promising Lois that he would do better, only to stumble again.
Anyone who has read Bill’s Story in the Big Book knows about these struggles, but reading about Lois’s life, we understand how hopeless she became. She found herself making excuses for his absences and increasingly taking care of him. Her father, Dr. Clark Burnham, could see what was happening. Bill desperately wanted his father-in-law’s approval, but couldn’t help himself from getting drunk at family gatherings. When Lois’s mother died, a woman Bill loved and respected, he was the only family member not present. He was out on a bender. Lois prayed for Bill, was exhausted by him, but ultimately loved him too much to leave. They both wanted a family, but she had three ectopic pregnancies. They tried to adopt, but were turned down. Lois was mortified to later learn that Bill’s drinking had come to light in reference checks by the adoption agency.
When it looked like all was lost and Bill might have to be institutionalized, hope came from Dr. William Silkworth. In December of 1934 Bill entered Towns Hospital for the fourth and final time.
Next month: Life with a sober Bill W., a house full of drunks, and the birth of Al-Anon.
Dan M.’s home group is Fremont Men’s Stag, which meets on Monday nights at 7:15 at Prince of Peace Church, 858 Washington Blvd and online: 187 927 449 pc: 774746