by Dan M.
Bill had his last drink in December of 1934. The following May, he had his historic meeting with Dr. Bob. He remained in Akron for some time, repeatedly asking Lois to come visit, but she wanted Bill to come home. It was a letter from Dr. Bob’s wife, Anne Smith, that changed her mind. Anne told Lois how grateful she was for Bill and how honored she would be to have her come to their home. When Lois arrived in Akron she was immediately comfortable, saying, “I loved Annie and Bob from the moment I saw them.” (Lois Remembers, p. 96) Lois and Anne understood each other in a way that only another wife of a serious alcoholic could.
In the following years, the groups in New York and Akron grew and kept Bill busy working with drunks and codifying the program. Watching him work with other alcoholics, Lois became frustrated with still not having her husband to herself. One of Lois’s resentments toward her husband was that she thought she was most qualified to write the chapter “To the Wives” in the Big Book. Although she held to that opinion, she was at least gratified that what Bill wrote showed he did have some understanding of what his alcoholism had put her through.
Her frustrations culminated the night she threw a shoe at him. She described the incident this way: “I was left alone while he was off somewhere scouting up new drunks or working with old ones. I felt on the outside of a very tight little clique of alcoholics that no mere wife could enter. … My life’s purpose of sobering up Bill, which made me feel desperately needed, had vanished. … I decided to strive for my own spiritual growth.”* This shift from focusing on her husband, and AA, to taking care of herself became a foundation of the program she would go on to establish.
The evening after the shoe-throwing incident, she invited the wives of the AA meeting attendees into her kitchen. They spoke frankly about their fears for their husbands and their frustrations with finding themselves second to the men’s sobriety. One participant in the kitchen was Anne Bingham, who would become Lois’s partner in organizing the families of AA members. They began to correspond with groups all over the country. In 1951 “the clearinghouse” of 87 independent family groups became Al-Anon.
Now both Bill and Lois had their life’s work, helping alcoholics return to sanity and helping families heal. With their seperate programs, they were partners for the coming decades.
Following a period of grief after Bill’s death in Miami in 1971, Lois decided to go ahead with something she and Bill had talked about — a trip to visit AA and Al-Anon groups around the world. With her friend, Evelyn Canavan, she was welcomed in Africa, Australia, and Asia. It was an inspiring trip. Her final work was establishing the Stepping Stones Foundation, to share the story of hope and recovery for individuals and families alike. On October 5, 1988, with the end of her life approaching, and unable to speak because of a breathing tube, she gestured for a pad and paper. She wrote, “Tell them I want to see my Bill.” After the tube was removed, she died that evening. She was 97.
*How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, “Lois’ Story,” p. 153-154. Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters
Other sources:
Lois Remembers by Lois Wilson. Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters,1979
The Lois Wilson Story — When Love is Not Enough by William G. Borchert. Hazelden, 2005
Dan M.’s home group is Fremont Men’s Stag, which meets on Monday nights at 7:15 at Prince of Peace Church, 858 Washington Blvd and online: 187 927 449 pc: 774746