Sponsorship Café: Awesome Gift, Awesome Responsibility
As a sponsor in AA, one of the greatest gifts I have received has been the trust offered by sponsees. Watching a newcomer overcome feelings of fear and personal insecurity and relax into the knowledge that they are protected is a beautiful, sacred thing. The AA pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship notes on page […]
Sponsorship Café: When Giving Causes Harm
When I was a very new sponsor, an equally-new sponsee asked to borrow $500. I was employed and doing OK. He was seemingly doing the deal and said his new job would be starting the following Monday. He proposed a payback date that seemed reasonable. Without talking to my sponsor, I said “OK” and felt […]
When Politics Come Between a Sponsor and Sponsee
In the “meeting after the meeting” recently, a member confided that he was looking for a new sponsor. The recent Presidential campaign and election had put a spotlight on their disparate political and social beliefs. He explained that he had lost a connection with his sponsor due to the sponsor’s political views and wasn’t sure […]
Sponsorship Café: Not All AA Wisdom is Found in the Big Book
Early in sobriety, my sponsor explained that I would be hearing strong suggestions for solid recovery practices that are not mentioned in the Big Book…Those learnings, often borne of personal experience, flow from alcoholic to alcoholic and sponsor to sponsee. In a meeting recently, a member said, “AA has given me a life I never […]
Sponsorship Café: Guest Columnist this month – Meet Al Kasaurus
By Bill M. We are taking a light-hearted look at sponsorship this month, through the eyes of everybody’s favorite fictional bleeding deacon, Al Kasaurus (say it fast). Al is fielding questions on sponsorship and sharing his wisdom with patrons of the Sponsorship Café. Dear Al: My sponsee calls me all the time and just wants […]
Sponsorship Café: Ego and a False Sense of Importance
Sometimes, when I have my sponsor hat on, I feel a tug of ego telling me what a valuable and important person I am. My ego tells me my sponsee is lucky (and smart!) to have me as a sponsor, and that I am the only person able to help this poor soul. These thoughts […]
Sponsorship Cafe: When Working with Another Alcoholic Leads to a Moment of Clarity
by Bill M. I found myself smiling, remembering one of those defining moments in sobriety we are blessed to have. A moment of clarity when we are led to a Truth that changes how we look at something, and maybe how we live. I never really searched for them, they manifested as gifts through working […]
Sponsorship Cafe: When Do You Let Go?
by Bill M. As sponsors, we all want to work with sponsees who are willing and committed, however, that’s often not the case. We alcoholics are rebellious, ego-driven and fearful people who may or may not have received the “gift of desperation” that opens the door to willingness. As a chronic early relapser, my heart […]
Sponsorship Cafe: Sponsorship in Two Dimensions
by Bill M. It had never really pierced my consciousness that legions of suffering alcoholics had found safety and comfort and sobriety in the virtual rooms of AA. … Exploring the whole AA-through-Zoom concept led me to a person who told me he had never met his sponsor face-to-face. Say what? I had just gotten […]
Sponsorship Cafe: Is It Time To Fire My Sponsor?
by Bill M. When is it ok to fire your sponsor? We all hear in meetings about sponsors who relapse or compromise anonymity or fail to return phone calls. Those are “bye-bye” no-brainers. But what about the more squishy “We’ve grown apart” types of reasons where there is no glaring “fault”? Or when your beliefs clash, […]