A collection of some of the witty, wise, and wacky things heard in meetings.

Emotional sobriety: when the best of me is in charge of the rest of me.

—Great Facts Speaker Meeting, 7pm Eastern (4pm Pacific)

For my last drink, I poured in the vodka and didn’t have any orange juice, so I crushed up Vitamin C tablets.

—Great Facts Speaker Meeting, 7pm Eastern (4pm Pacific)

I’m not prepared to tell you my wife’s death was a blessing. But I am prepared to tell you about the blessings I’ve received as a result.

—Rockridge Fellowship, 9am

If I don’t stick close to the program, my mind will tell me that beer is a refreshing beverage and wine is food and that it really wasn’t that bad.

— Rap at Noon, Sunday

I was in a sinking lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. Now I’m on a luxurious yacht with all of you.

— Rockridge Fellowship, 10:30am

The drinking wasn’t the relapse—it was proof of the relapse. The relapse happened when I was sober.

—Great Facts Speaker Meeting, 7pm Eastern (4pm Pacific)

Let’s close with the Thank You prayer. For those not familiar, just try to follow along. “God… thank you.”

—Great Facts Speaker Meeting, 7pm Eastern (4pm Pacific)