As a sponsor in AA, one of the greatest gifts I have received has been the trust offered by sponsees. Watching a newcomer overcome feelings of fear and personal insecurity and relax into the knowledge that they are protected is a beautiful, sacred thing. The AA pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship notes on page 5, “From its earliest days, A.A. has promised personal anonymity to all who attend its meetings.” This promise makes it possible for newcomers to give themselves to working the steps and to undergo the healing that comes from sharing at meetings.
While all AA members share the responsibility of delivering on that promise, solid sponsorship demands an extra level of diligence and protection. We don’t get “do-overs” for broken trust, and broken trust has often driven members out of the rooms and away from the program.
A member’s trust in their sponsor (and in the Fellowship) really lives on two levels: anonymity as alcoholics and members of the program, and protection of the personal information they share in meetings and with other members. As sponsors, we are honor-bound within the program to treat both as the fragile and precious things they are.
The Sponsorship pamphlet advises members who are looking for a sponsor to, “…select an A.A. member with whom we can feel comfortable, someone with whom we can talk freely and confidentially…” No member will fully give themselves to the healing and growth offered by the steps if they don’t feel deep and abiding trust in their sponsor. And the only way for the sponsor to generate that trust is through absolute adherence to confidentiality.
I was scared witless when it came time to take my fifth step. There were things in my past that I had vowed for years to carry to the grave. I loved my sponsor, but didn’t have the trust yet to share with him at that level. He sensed that, of course, and started our meeting by saying, “No one, ever, will hear from me a single word of what you tell me today.” And then he proceeded to tell me a lot of his fifth step. That was huge. It was soul-level knowledge we were doing this together and I could finally trust another human being.
Our Sponsorship pamphlet tells us, “Sponsorship responsibility is unwritten and informal, but it is a basic part of the A.A. approach to recovery from alcoholism…” So, when a sponsee or member says, “I want to talk with you about something that’s been bothering me,” my responsibility is to treat that as a cherished gift of trust. To honor it, I must always be trustworthy.
Reprinted from Questions and Answers on Sponsorship with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.
Bill M.’s Home Group is BYOBook, 9 am, Saturdays, at Faith Lutheran Church in Castro Valley. Hybrid Meeting – Zoom Code is 871-0897-4652. Passcode is 110619.