by Bill M.
When your sponsor’s not available to take your call—then what?
“Inevitably, there was a day when the wheels came off. I didn’t know up from down, the anxiety was paralyzing, the terror palpable. The relief offered by a few drinks seemed to be the answer. I called David—no answer…”
I was probably a month or two sober when my sponsor David said, “There might come a time when you really need to connect and I’m not available, when you’re really struggling and need to talk now. What’s your plan if that happens?” My answer was newcomer-vague, something about praying until I could get to a meeting. Being new in sobriety, and my experience being that David was always available, I couldn’t really imagine that happening. I did not comprehend the critical nature of the picture he painted.
David told me to assemble a list of 20 members (and their phone numbers) that I could call if I was desperate and feeling disconnected, and to keep it in the front of my Big Book.
Back then it was common in meetings for members to write their names and phone numbers on the back of Central Office meeting schedules and give them to any newcomers in attendance. I had a bunch of those that were given to me, which I consolidated onto one page and tucked into my Big Book, with no
intention of using it. I trusted David enough to be vulnerable with him, but that was as far as my trust would go.
Inevitably, there was a day when the wheels came off. I didn’t know up from down, the anxiety was paralyzing, the terror palpable. The relief offered by a few drinks seemed to be the answer. I called David—no answer. I waited and fretted for a half hour and called again—no answer. The next meeting was 4 hours away. How could I possibly last? I pulled out my Big Book for some help, and there was the phone list. Desperation trumped ego.
I called eight people before Marty answered. He seemed grateful I called and genuinely willing to help. He listened while I unloaded, and then suggested I call another newcomer and see if I could be of any help to him. I did. As soon as I said, “I’m just calling to see how you are doing,” the anxiety began to quiet. We talked for almost an hour. I don’t know who helped whom, but when we hung up, I felt hope and peace.
The next time I connected with my sponsor, I told him what had happened, and he asked what I’d learned from it. I told him that I remembered hearing in a meeting that the safest place to be when there is a threat is in the middle of the herd. He reminded me that alcohol (“cunning, baffling, powerful”) will always be a threat.
Today I see meetings as a room full of sponsors and do my best to stay in the middle of the herd. The fear of being vulnerable has been replaced by the comfort of your nearness. You make me feel safe, and I have to give it away to keep it.
Bill M.’s Home Group is BYOBook, 9 am, Saturdays, at Faith Lutheran Church in Castro Valley. Hybrid Meeting – Zoom Code is 871-0897-4652. Passcode is 110619.
