In a meeting recently, a member said, “AA has given me a life I never even knew I wanted,” attributing it to another member who had passed many years ago. I perked up because one of my sponsees says it a lot, and he didn’t get it from me. Wondering who he heard it from, and who first said it, I was struck by the cherished role spoken lore plays in our fellowship.
Early in sobriety, my sponsor explained that I would be hearing strong suggestions for solid recovery practices that are not mentioned in the Big Book. He said it would be good to remember that the reason a new hair dryer comes with the instruction, “Do not use while taking a bath,” is that someone had already done that, with ugly results.
You won’t find “Go to 90 meetings in 90 days” in the Big Book, yet it is probably some of the most-offered advice a newcomer is likely to hear, and for good reason. People who don’t go to meetings don’t get to hear what happens to people who don’t go to meetings. “90 in 90” helps a newcomer find a home, builds recovery “muscle memory” and gives the fellowship a chance to work its welcoming magic. It’s also a great test of a sponsee’s willingness to “go to any lengths.” Online meetings have made it much less onerous.
Also not found in the Big Book is the suggestion that newcomers claim a home group and make that a meeting they do not miss. Having a home group leads a newcomer toward trust and empathy and feelings of safety, self-worth and belonging. A newcomer’s pick of a home group will also likely lead to their first service opportunity. I get great strength and connection from letting my home group know they are my home group.
While enjoying the pink cloud of early recovery, I was bent on cleaning up all aspects of my life. I wanted to quit smoking, lose weight, cut down on caffeine, find that perfect job and bring the recovered me to the dating world–until my sponsor told me that the tested wisdom, not found in the Big Book, is not to make any major lifestyle changes for the first year of sobriety. Today I understand that wisdom. The disease of alcoholism wants us distracted and splintered and not focused on recovery, while those who came before us counsel “First Things First.”
The learnings on what works for alcoholics who want recovery through AA did not end with the publication of the Big Book. Those learnings, often borne of personal experience also flow from alcoholic to alcoholic and sponsor to sponsee. I pray for the openness to hear and the courage to share.
Bill M.’s Home Group is BYOBook, 9 am, Saturdays, at Faith Lutheran Church in Castro Valley. Hybrid Meeting – Zoom Code is 871-0897-4652. Passcode is 110619.
